


Reiteration of a Heartbreak

by hayashii



Category: Gintama
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, because i don't know where this is going, college student gintoki, immortal Gintoki, just wanted to get this out there because I can't stop thinking about this au, once i have time i will delete this and make a new fan fic with most of the story written, prototype fanfic, writer gintoki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 02:12:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15742038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hayashii/pseuds/hayashii
Summary: love was a tragedy, at least for Gintoki Sakata.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! Welcome to my prototype fanfic. Thank you for clicking on this even though my summaries and tags are not that descriptive. First of all, shout out to Eniell for the shout out on their recent chapter of "IchigoMayo." TuT Their work inspired me to write my stuff so please go check them out. But enjoy the next four chapters. Let me know what you think! Thanks.

[1]

“I thought the doctor said--”

“Limit your carbs, like white rice and bread.” Gintoki waved his long-handled spoon around, reciting the words, “Exercise three times a week, but more is better.”

Hijikata locked eyes with the silver haired man and after a fiery glare, he sighed and averted his gaze downwards towards the black coffee near his hand.

“Whatever, your body.”

“The body that  _ you  _ like.” Hijikata looked back up to see Gintoki  _ waggling _ his eyebrows, forcing a sigh out of the former. 

“The doctor said you were pre-diabetic, idiot.”

“Yea, yea. I know, so I haven’t been eating much white rice anymore--in fact, Shinpachi started mixing in brown rice with white rice--”

“Oh, bless than man.”

“ _ But _ , Kagura is upset about that, because--you know how she is.”

“Hm.”

“And, I have been going to the gym more often. I went Sunday, Monday, not Tuesday, Wednesday and I’m going today.”

Hijikata finally gave a half-smile. Half-smile because he was still upset Gintoki but couldn’t help but smiling. “Whatever.”

“And besides… It’s the least I could do since,” Gintoki felt his face heating up.  _ Idiot, why am I blushing? _ “You also quitted smoking. For me.”

Hijikata reached over with his right hand and brushed Gintoki’s left hand, which was holding the base of the parfait glass. The hands retreat to the middle of the table and grasp each other.

Gintoki Sakata and Toshiro Hijikata were in  _ love _ .


	2. Chapter 2

Gintoki laid down the wooden floor, looking up at the ceiling.

For a brief second, he thought about cheesecakes, then about becoming one.

“That’s dumb!” He exclaimed and kicked himself up from the floor. “ _ Dumb! _ ”

“You don’t have to say it multiple times, we already know, Gin-chan.” Kagura peered in through the open door to the sight of a messily strewn bed, with papers upon papers scattered haphazardly around the room. Bookshelves were riddled with emptiness, because the books in question were all open, face-down, on the floor. “Geez Gin-chan, Shinpachi just cleaned yesterday.”

“Well…” Gintoki looked around the room and looked back at Kagura with a determination, “I have a deadline!”

“Then get to work, you permy-cheesecake.” The red-haired girl turned around and slammed the door, sending sheets of paper that were near the door fluttering into the air.

Gintoki sighed and swept papers off his bed. He collapsed into it, mumbling, “Damn, science fiction is not my strong point.”

“It’s not many people’s strong point, Gin-san.” The door creaked open as a pair of glasses poked his head into the doorway. And it turned out to be a plate of fresh green grapes and iced tea held by Shinpachi Shimura. “Would you like grapes, Gin-san?”

“Oh, my goodness. Yes. Please.” Gintoki swept off even more papers and allowed the bed to be sat on.

Shinpachi tiptoed around the mess on the bed, balancing the tray of refreshments with both hands. He then sat down, placing the tray in between them. Gintoki sipped out of the straw of the ice tea until he couldn’t breathe, releasing a large  _ whew _ , “Ugh, I needed that.”

“You should remember to stay hydrated, Gin-san.” Shinpachi looked around, “You haven’t left this room since… what, 9:00 a.m.? It’s already three.”

“Objection: I did leave to use the restroom.”

“You know what I mean.”

“But Gin-san, don’t you think that you’re… I don’t know, going in the wrong direction?”

“Are you saying I shouldn’t be a writer?”

Shinpachi shook his head furiously, denying the nonexistent offense he caused. “No! I am not saying that! I’m just saying… I feel like your writing style is very… old-fashioned.”

“Mhm.”

“And this science fiction business isn’t going so well.”

“Well, it’s the current trend.”

“Screw the trends, do something you’re good at, Gin-san. Something you have experience in. A lot of writers draw from their personal experience to bring life to their work.”

“Like?”

“Uh.” Shinpachi felt shy saying this: “Like, romance. You and Hijikata-san…”

Gintoki plopped a grape into his mouth and chewed. He thought back to those days.

He hummed a thought and smiled, “Yea.”


	3. Chapter 3

It feels good to get something done. Gintoki whistled as he clutched his messenger bag strap. The laptop that felt so heavy was now lighter like his soul.

But today was date night. Gintoki would go back to his apartment, shower, brush his teeth, change into something nicer and… meet Hijikata. And he’d tell him about the book he had just submitted to his editor.

[ _ Love is something built up. For me, this love had been built up for over hundreds of years. This oldened soul of mine - battered, bruised and wounded like the mangy cat that roam the candle-lit streets - had tasted the warmth of the embrace of another being.] _

Gintoki practically skipped through the day time sidewalks. 

[ _ I am a person bad with words. The day I met you was wintery cold. My entire being had frozen over - my hands, my tongues, my heart. _ ]

What should he say today? What would  _ he  _ say today? Gintoki couldn’t stop smiling as he rocked on his heels, waiting for those streetlights to change.

[ _ For all the times I denied these feelings, these cravings!] _

Oh. Gintoki caught the glimpse of jet-black hair. It’s Hijikata. He kept his eyes trained on him, flickering back and forth from the person he loved and the street sign. Hijikata was a block away and across from Gintoki, at another intersection. Gintoki decided to intercept Hijikata as the latter would cross the street, so Gintoki started walking down the sidewalk, towards Hijikata.

[ _ How shall I tell you my feelings? How can I make it up to you? For all the fiery warmth you shared to melt me; to melt me in your arms. _ ]

What a great coincidence, Gintoki thought.

[ _ Though it is three little words, though they be only pebbles to your universal love! I present you my pebbles from my world of crumbly, fine sand. _ ]

Hijikata heard the beep of the streetlight, indicating that it was time to cross. He looked up and then started walking. Gintoki smiled, realizing that Hijikata would walk his way. Then, a car appeared so suddenly, it was as if Gintoki had blinked and it just appeared.

[ _ And I apologize for my lack of romantic tendencies. _ ]

No, not really. It was because it was a hill, so it seemed like the car just appeared. But it was too fast. Gintoki ran, hoping he would reach him in time.

[ _ But… _ ]

The front of the car rammed into the body. He flew into the air like a ragdoll, slammed back down and tumbled down the road, before coming to a halt.

The streets were eerily quiet. As if time had stopped. Faces of passerby had twisted to shock.

Sprawled out, a clearly broken body that bled out. Gintoki finally reached Hijikata. And he screamed.

  
[ _I love you._ ]


	4. Chapter 4

“You read?” Hijikata picked up a book off the shelf and his face drew into a pleasant surprise.

“Uh, yea.” Gintoki swiveled around in his chair. “I used to write too.” He threw in the statement as an afterthought, the statement which was completely ignored by Hijikata.

“These are by Shiruba!*.” Hijikata announced. “He wrote one romance with a happy ending, then the rest were tragedies. Really downer endings.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Gintoki turned away, back to his laptop.

“Man, you don’t know anything, do you? Perm-head.” Hijikata chuckled. “Even though you have… most of the series here.”

“Mhm. Gifts from, uh, Sougo.”

“I didn’t think that sadistic jerk would make such a great gift. I really like Shiruba’s work because… something just draws me to them.” Hijikata laughed, “I sometimes wonder about celebrities and famous people. When we read or listen or look at their works, it seems like they’re someone relatable, someone who is near the same age as us. But when you find out their actual age, it’s pretty surprising.”

“Yea.” Gintoki agreed, “Dude’s probably old.”

“I tried searching for him everywhere online, but there is nothing about Shiruba. Not even a social media like other authors. Who knows if he’s alive.” Hijikata said. “But at the very least, if I knew he was alive then he could be out there another novel. That’d be something to look forward to.”

“Hm, he probably doesn’t write anymore.” Gintoki reached down to his desk drawer and pulled out the Introduction to Business textbook. He was doing homework. “Hijikata, you should start on your homework now.”

“Ah, yea.” Hijikata pulled the chair he had brought from his room to Gintoki’s desk, sitting down after gathering up his notebook and laptop from his bag. Gintoki scooted over. “We could share a textbook, right?”

“Sure.”

“Since the desk isn’t big enough.”

“Yea.”

Hijikata craned his neck a little, shifting a slight, and touched shoulders with the silver-haired man.

Gintoki froze and berated himself for reacting the same way every time this had happened. His heart beated out of his chest, and his face became rosy.

And the smell--that minty scent that he had always used as his shampoo and the slightest hint of city smell: of tobacco and smog.  _ Damn _ , it got to him every time.

Every iteration of Hijikata Toshiro got to him like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Shiruba in Japanese: シルバー (Silver, if you said the English word "Silver" in Japanese)
> 
> Hello again! Was it okay? So to clarify: This fic is inspired by the Korean drama, "Goblin: The Great and Lonely God." In "Goblin," the main character is immortal thanks to a curse(or is it a blessing?) by the gods. I was inspired by the angst in that drama and hoped to give Gintoki maximum angst.
> 
> In this prototype, I was trying to show snippets of Gintoki's long life, how he meets multiple versions of Hijikata and falls in love every single time. And slowly, I wish to weave in the past (how Gintoki met the first Hijikata) into the stories of the present. [I love complicated stories with the present and past weaved in, and it's only on the last chapter everything makes sense. Check out Margaret Atwood's, The Blind Assassin.]
> 
> But did you all get the part in this chapter [4], Gintoki is clearly the author for the books by Shiruba (aka Silver), and how he says that Shiruba (aka Gintoki) is no longer writing [because instead he is doing homework]. I love subtle hints in writings, and I hope conveyed that too.
> 
> Anyways, this is it for now, I hope y'all have a good rest of your day and I'll see you... someday. I'm not setting this complete because people do look for completed works with an ending when they filter for completed works on this website. And this is obviously not complete. But I'm no longer updating this work. Instead, when the near complete version is done, I will upload that and delete this one.
> 
> But yea, feedback please: On my grammar, flow and whether crap was confusing or not. Thanks again!


End file.
